The In-Laws

I got it good. I mean, when it comes to family members that have come along via a marriage, I seriously can say that I have it really, really good. My amazing mother came up with the term "Bonus Children" rather than Son-in-law or Daughter-in-law. I love that. So here is what my Bonus Family is like. And by the way, if it sounds like I am bragging...that's because I am.

My brother's wife, Robbie...geez. Could I have asked for a more caring, funny, sweet, patient and well-rounded wife for my brother? Nuh-uh. I could not. Seriously, an absolute jewel of a human being. Seriously. I wish I could be half of the wife that Robbie is. She is just awesome. My brother is such an incredible person who was going to be an amazing daddy and husband that it had to take someone pretty special for them to deserve him as far as I was concerned. That's exactly what she is.

Now, Andy is the youngest of 3 boys. Probably gonna have a problem with someone in the mix there right? Um, nope. Matt, the oldest, I am just getting to know and have discovered that he is really a great guy to hang around with. He is an amazing Dad even in some pretty tough circumstances by all accounts. Any guy that will sit during his alone time and let my kid flop on his bed to watch Deadliest Catch with him has got to be a pretty great Uncle.

Luke...I just adore Luke. When I think of the words generous or giving, that's Luke. At first Bella was terrified of his deep bellowing voice, but now Unka Looook is a common topic of conversation in her little world. Now Luke's wife Janie, or Jane-Jane, is seriously one of my greatest friends and closest confidant. Not only did I get Robbie who is incredible, I got it extra good getting to have 2 amazing Bonus Sisters. There is a lot to be said for having a safe place to do some serious venting without it turning into husband bashing. That only works when you have someone who loves and cares about your spouse as well. Plus, I have a built-in advice giver since in a lot of ways, we kind of married different versions of the same person. She makes me laugh until I almost wet my pants...that's my Jane.

Now Jim and Sammye. Alright, I think if you know me then you know how absolutely phenomenal I think that my Mom and Dad are. And if you know them, then you know that I am right. I Love My Momma and My Daddy. So much that it is hard to even find the words. But what did I end up with after I married Andy? A whole new set. And I gotta say that I have got to have probably the best Bonus Parents in the world. In fact, I love being with Jim and Sammye so much that when Bella was a newborn and Andy started traveling all the time I pretty much moved in with them. More than once. More than twice. Not because I had to or was pressured to or needed help. Seriously I just wanted to be there. I mean, I just spent almost 2 weeks sleeping in their living room and there was no other place in the world that I wanted to be for that moment in time. Of course your parent's house feels like home. I love being home with my parents. It's a comfort that is hard to match. But your in-laws house? Ummm, yep. I got that. Cooking with Jim is one of my most favorite things and learning how to cook from him is a close second. Jim raised my amazing husband to believe deep in himself that he can do anything. You know what? He can.
Laying around for days in my ratty house shorts with Sammye as we watch Dr. Phil episodes that she has been recording for over a year now is priceless time to me. Even if it does take us 3 hours to watch one show with all of the kids running chaotically around the house. I am so thankful for so much that Jim and Sammye have done for me, no questions asked. What I am most thankful for though? Having that third kid. Thank you for his life, his mind, his humor, his faith, his stability, his courage, his hope and of course for makin' such a good lookin' kid! That's what I always want them to know, thank you for Andy.

So again, if it sounds like I am bragging then you heard me correctly. I love my family. I. Love. My. Family.

Even If...

Years ago God put a statement deep in my heart that I knew was a way He was going to call me to live my life.

Even If...

Even If all of the things that could go wrong, start to go wrong, what are you going to do? What choice are you going to make? That being said, it really didn't cross my mind for years why God would have spoken that to me out of all things He could have said. I have to say that the past 7 years of being naive about what God wanted to do with me was pretty great. Yet in the last 2 years of my life, it has been made clear that it was now time to put that to work. Without going into too much detail, in my own life and in the lives of some of those who are close to me, God has allowed some trials to come up that have me asking myself, do I really mean it? It was easy to say it to others and have them try to live it out. Yet, now this is me. This is my life. This is my closest friend's life that has been shattered my learning her husband has been living a double life. This is a close family friend who has lost their baby. This is the simple fact that in the blink of an eye, life can make a 180 and toss you so hard you don't have any idea which way is up. Over the last 8 months God has added 3 words to what He spoke to me 7 years ago that has changed my life. You know what else...It has thrown me for a loop.

Even If Not...

That's right. Even If...Even If Not. Even if all of the things that could come your way do? What are you going to do Even if God decides Not to answer your cries for help in the way you thought He would. Even if your kid gets deathly ill. Even if God does Not heal them. Even if your spouse deeply betrays you. Even if your spouse does Not choose to stop the lies and help heal your heart. Even if you are a victim of a terrible car accident. Even if a check for your $500,000 in medical bills does Not show up in your mailbox. I'll be honest and say that when I started to realize how God was calling me to live my life, I got really, really scared. I mean, would God go through trying to show me all of this if I didn't have something waiting for me in the future where I am going to need to use it? A tad bit daunting...a tad. So as I wallowed in a bad mix of fear/anxiousness/excitement I found myself in this short, direct and life changing conversation with God.

Me: Alright God, I get what you're sayin. I get what it is that you want me to do with my life. Even If...Even If Not. But you gotta tell me how in the world I am supposed to start this. How do I do that?
God: First, Love Fearlessly.

That was it.
So I sat down to write it out.
Even If...
Even If Not...
Love Fearlessly.

(By the way, Cindy Beall wrote a great post about When God Says No that I think helps sum up the Even If Not part of things.)

Beautiful

I think that Bella is beautiful.

Of course her face is gorgeous, Andy and I do make a good lookin baby! But I think that everything about her is beautiful. Her passion. Her innocence. Her lack of understanding and her growing knowledge of the things around her. Her messy hair that never seems to grow accept for one extra long hair that when fully stretched is inches longer than the rest. Her extreme joy in the little things and her tragic disappointment both over something as simple as a bottle of bubbles. Her need for repetition but also her desire to try something new. Her fearless love. Her precise decisions and her curiosity of what was behind door #2. (She gets that from her Daddy.) Her drama that accompanies random everyday events such as peeing in her Pull-Up all over the picture of Ariel from The Little Mermaid...that was a very, very sad day for Bella yet she has no problem with doing it everyday since then. Her endearing love for people and her cold-as-ice attitude that can make someone feel kinda stupid. Her future, who she will be and what she will accomplish. Her failures that will be painful but will shape her strength for the next time. Her touch. Her smell. Her tears. Her laugh. Her love. Her fear. Her hope.

I think everything, every single thing about Bella is beautiful. I want to make it my goal that she will never, ever have to wonder otherwise.

The Bubble Popper

God is good.

Now, I know that line sounds like it should be coming from someone very spiritual. I however, am not. I hope this isn't shocking to anyone who might read this. In fact over the last few days I have started to become rather nervous about how many people actually read this blog. What if I say something that bothers someone? What if some part of something I write makes someone think differently about my husband or my family? Either way, if you are someone who has an illusion of what Pastor's Wives or Pastor's Daughters should be like, then I am sorry to tell you that I just may be someone who might easily pop that bubble for you.

I am starting to think that my reason for believing God is good is based on something different than people might assume. To me, God is good because of what He knows about me but still keeps giving me more and more blessings in my life. (Be forewarned, the following statements might be bubble-poppers for some of you...)

He knows that I have a mouth on me that could make a construction worker blush. He knows that I have a temper that has left people wounded in my wake at times in my life. He knows that when I get hurt by someone, I have been know to use my words in a devastating way. He knows the stories from my past that I hope I never have to see my daughter go through for herself. He knows how often I am not thankful for all that I have been given. He knows how many times I have questioned Him and His desire to help me. He knows how many times I have been angry with Him. He knows all of the times I have turned away and tried to do it on my own...to be honest the last time was more recent than I want to admit.

My point is, God is good in my mind because I am just not. I am probably the last person who anyone would have ever thought would be married to a Pastor. But I guess that my husband is one of the last people that anyone would have thought would be a Pastor...So we are a good fit. However, isn't that what it's really all about anyway? I guess I see it that if you have it all together, then what do you need God for? In fact, "Having it all together" is such a foreign concept to me that I don't even know that I would recognize it if it jumped up and slugged me right in the face. But I do know that God is Who He Says He is. He loves me like He says He does. At the end of the day, all I can do is try the best that I can and do the best with what I have been given.

Just being honest...

My Favorite Afternoon

So our trip to NYC last weekend, other than making idiots of ourselves as I mentioned in my last post, was nothing short of amazing. We have been so beyond busy the last few months that time having Andy all to myself was awesome. We flew first class, ate great food, had the greatest hotel room, saw Blue Man Group (sat second row), did some shopping and enjoyed the life of The City That Never Sleeps. It was fantastic. But overall, my most favorite part of the trip has now become my most favorite afternoon that I have ever spent with my husband.

If you know Andy and I then it's no secret that our lives are very, very full of many, many things. Andy decided a long time ago that he would maximize each and every opportunity thrown his way to make any impact he can on anyone that he can get his hands on. Marrying him, well this sort of became my lot in life as well but that was no surprise to me. If God has ever made anything crystal clear to me it was the day that He told me that my purpose in life was to bring Him glory and the way He was going to have me do that for the rest of my life was be sold out and dedicated to supporting and loving Andy Tilly and raising any crazy little ones that we may have to follow in their Daddy's foot steps...headed to change the world around them. Even though I had no idea what the future would hold for me, make no mistake about it...I knew that this would not be a normal life with it's challenges and sacrifices, nor would it be one that too many people get to have with it's blessings and experiences. All of this is to say, time...real time with my husband is priceless to me. In fact, I don't even know if priceless can even begin to describe how much I truly treasure any moments I can get where he is just all mine. No emails, no text messages, no talk about the latest book idea or project, no proof-reading our latest book to publish. Just me and Andy taking a walk.

It was after our incident in Central Park when we decided to head to Chelsea Market. I had been super excited to see this place being that above the market is the home of Food Network Studios. So the market was a bit of a disappointment and after I moped all the way through brunch Andy had the idea that we would see where we were on our $7.95 map of NYC (a whole different story) to see how far we would actually have to walk to get back to our hotel in lower Manhattan. It looked a good 3 miles away, but we decided to just walk until we got tired and then we would get a cab. Andy wanted to head to the harbor and then walk south from there. I agreed. As we walked through Greenwich Village it started to cloud up and get a little drizzly. Once we got to the harbor of the Hudson River we turned to the left and just started walking. We talked off and on about things not of any particular significance, which is quite rare for Andy to do. We laughed at some old stories that we hadn’t thought about in a long time. We enjoyed seeing this part of the city, out of the trendy tourist spots…this was just people living everyday life in Manhattan. The air was cool and full of a mix of smells from the stink of the city to the saltiness of the harbor. We came across the most interesting enclosed/outdoor sports complex full of little ones playing soccer at one end and stopped to watch a little league game at the other end. It was a truly amazing thing to stumble upon, you never would have even known it was there.

As we walked and laughed, I hung on Andy’s every word. It was just Em and Andy, in no hurry and with no point in what we were doing at all, and I was going to soak up every single second of it because this was the exact opposite of how our life together has played out so far. Lot’s of people get their time with my amazing husband, this was my turn. Next thing we knew, we had made it the entire way back to the hotel…it had to be at least 3 miles. But as we approached the entrance, even though it was starting to lightly rain again…we kept walking. We rounded the corner and headed to get a slice of authentic New York City pizza, one of my favorite things. Sitting in the drizzle on the steps of some corporate building we finished our pizza and I realized that our afternoon full of things of no particular importance was coming to an end. I looked to my husband, who bless his heart works harder than anyone that I know and thought to myself “Remember this day Emily, when you are frustrated that Andy walks around like a zombie after a 14 hour day. Remember the time he took just for you today when you want to get mad that he has to start a project in the middle of the night because he just can’t stop his wheels from spinning. Don’t forget about this afternoon when you have to go back home and share him with the world again.”

I know it may seem like nothing to most people, but this afternoon with Andy will be with me forever. It was just me and Andy, taking a walk. I had him all to myself and it was fantastic.

Simple Things

Ok...I know Mom's across America are ALL writing blog posts about Mother's Day but oh well, this is my contribution.
Mother's Day for me this year was perfect. After about 2 weeks of house guests in and out we sent the last one off on yesterday morning. It had been a GREAT time getting to have friends in our home, old and new however we were just about worn out. Side Note: Can I just say how much I love our house?? Andy if you read this...Thank you once again for my beautiful home.
So we were exhausted, however the simplest events of the day made it the most perfect Mother's Day for me. Andy had already bought me some great kitchen stuff, including an awesome new knife...but not like a shank...it was for cooking. We sent Andy's dear friend David on his way back to Oklahoma and then loaded up to head to the Denton Campus. Great service. Ran a few errands...which Andy and I never do together...hit Best Buy for another step in Andy's quest for a cost-effective surround sound system for our home, had some Chipotle at my request where Bella infact sat quietly and ate her chips and guacamole and then headed home. The afternoon was spent with a new Elmo DVD about potty training mixed with intermitent dance breaks as Andy hooked up our new electronic addition to the living room. Bella took turns in and out of her bed refusing to nap but still being a little too sassy to be awake. Between her visits to bed she was successfull at doing her business in her potty which was a much needed victory for her and I both. Tried to put her down one last time before heading to my parents house for a quick dinner with the fam...discovered her totally naked in her bed an hour later...no nap. Headed to Mom and Dad's where we had a great time. Our visit there ended with a slight boo-boo to Bella's chin after having a meeting between her face and the brick floor, however it wasn't too bad since 3 minutes later a small special bowl Beba (my mom) had was placed in Bella's line of sight, full of ice cream the incident was long forgotten. Headed back home again.
Bella was in bed about an hour later sleeping soundly as Andy fed his latest fascination...Craig's List. I sat and watched Dateline compliments of our DVR about the Comic Book Murder of 1990. Didn't finish the show due to being "paged" from the front part of the house. Bella was covered in sweat, drenched and mumbling "no more night-night" but still not quite awake. I turned down the lights in the living room, just enough to keep her sleepy but still allow Andy to discover that he can indeed buy frequent flyer miles on Craig's List. Bella sank into our couch, tightly snuggled up to my side, but totally taking up my spot. We relaxed. Bella never falls asleep anywhere besides a bed, unless she is sick. But this time she slowly nodded off next to me. As I sat and soaked up the sweet precious touch of my tired, sweaty little girl I thought about the day. What made it so great? Nothing imparticular at all. Simply the little things.
Not sitting at church by myself.
Having lunch where I wanted to eat and not having my child embarrass me in the process.
Sat through a DVD where the words Pee and Poo-Poo were used at least once in every sentance, but paid off with an afternoon of potty success in the Tilly House.
Watched my darling husband pretend he did not enjoy the sillyness of Bella's random dance breaks as he toiled away to give me some music in my home once again. Somthing that I truly love.
Enjoyed a great meal and time with my amazing family.
Fixed a boo-boo.
Got some unexpected snuggle time with my precious little Bella.
Nodded off to sleep with my sweet Andy by my side after hanging on his every word while he ended our day together by thanking God for what a great wife I am...man I wish that were always true.
Not much to anyone else I am sure, but an unforgettable day to me.

Get it Right

I still have a lot of learning to do.
Probably need to do some growing up as well.
Need to do some talking to God.